


Dreamland

by RatonLaveur



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But nothing heavy I swear, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda feels like soulmates, M/M, Makoto's POV, Memory Loss, Mentions of Sex, Suicide Attempt, but no actual smut, getting better, happiness, looking for happiness, mental problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 05:22:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7878163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatonLaveur/pseuds/RatonLaveur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto finds himself in a situation he experienced before - he doesn't want to live anymore. Therefore he has to go through the therapy at a special place called Dreamland once again but once he returns, he gets back his memories and earns another chance to find and keep his happiness...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreamland

**Author's Note:**

> I went on holiday and wanted to happily work on my main fic, but I had another weird ass dream (that's normal for me) and couldn't stop thinking about it... That's how this fic came to life. In the dream I was the main char and the other person was a really pretty mysterious girl and I woke up feeling in love? It was really weird but hey, it was nice. So this fic is a little dreamy and I hope you like it!  
> Also I'm trying Makoto's POV in the whole fic for the first time and also I haven't written in first person for ages so please excuse my rusty writing haha.  
> (It's unedited, I hope it's not full of bullshit lmao)

Once again I showed the world that I’m weak and useless.

It felt like a dream when the doctor told me that my girlfriend found me lying unconscious on the bathroom floor. It was crazy, really. It has been two years since I went through the therapy - it has been two years since I swallowed too many pills because I didn’t want to live anymore. It couldn’t be happening again. I was okay, the therapy helped me - I never felt so alive. The times after the two months in therapy were the best.

Yet I felt like I was missing something. A deep feeling - a little piece of love. That’s why I started dating this cute girl who cared about me too much for her own good. But every day my happiness was fading away until it came to this - I was standing in front of the huge entrance door that lead to the area surrounded by a big wall. This wall hid “Dreamland” from the eyes of people who got lost and accidentally found this place. It was really well hidden in the woods - I would never find it on my own. Even despite the fact I’ve already been here.

Two years ago. 

And I don’t remember  _ anything  _ from that time. It feels like my memory was erased. 

But now as I’m looking at the door, I’m getting this  _ déjá vu  _ feeling and suddenly I remember the last time this happened - I was empty, numb and just wanted to die and then this door opened…

The door opened but there was nobody behind it - it was probably automatic. And the world that opened with the door… this place…

I stepped inside the area and gasped as a bunch of memories hit me like a truck. 

Dreamland was basically a small village with a few houses for people who lived here their whole life and one big building with rooms for those who lived here temporarily. I lived in the big building last time. I remember the white room with a few nice and optimistic pictures on the wall, always clean sheets that smelled so nice, the scent of the air coming through the opened window in the morning, kind faces around me, people spreading happiness, everyone cooking and doing chores together or for other people just because they wanted to see each other smile.

This place was a hospital for broken souls where suicidal people cured their sorrows.

All houses in the village were beautiful, but the one on the edge was perfect. It was white with black stripes - a very unusual thing for a house, indeed, but amazing. A big french window, a black roof and elegant stairs that lead to the front door. And I knew the person who lived there, too.

The scent of lavender and the sea in summer.

Mysterious dark make-up covering the marks of pain and worry.

Black hair that was always quite messy, yet still elegant.

Deep blue eyes that always said more than his words.

_ Haru. _

 

_ Since the first moment I saw him through the french window, I wanted to get close to him. I was so drawn to him without even knowing who he was, it was insane. I got up every day - there were no more days I spent in bed, wishing to disappear. I was almost obsessed, slowly getting back to life just so I could find out more about the mysterious boy with black eyeliners and a coffee, staring out of the window like he was somewhere else. _

_ One day I was lucky enough to catch him leaving his house. That was my only chance - I walked over to him, tried to start a conversation. I must have looked really pathetic, but he didn’t laugh at me. He listened to my babbling with patience of a saint. Then I said: _

_ “And by the way, I’m Makoto.” _

_ “I’m Haruka. But call me Haru.” That was the first thing he told me and his mellow voice sounded like music to my ears.  _

_ I was lost way long before I knew it. _

_ I demanded to spend more time with him and he never said no. At first I was still talking. I told him everything about me, about my problems, why I wanted to kill myself. And he listened. I never saw it as a part of the therapy, though. I just wanted to be with him, to share everything with him. _

_ One day I asked him why he is here. He didn’t answer so I let it be - it was the first time I stayed at his house for a night. I slept on the ground, because I wanted him to get the bed. By that time I knew that I had some feelings for him, but didn’t want to tell him anything. He always seemed so distant, so different. I didn’t want to bother him with something like that. _

_ That night, after we went to sleep, he suddenly started talking. _

_ “Are you asleep?” He asked. _

_ “No,” I answered pretty quickly. _

_ “My mother had a hard and sad life,” Haru started talking more to himself than to me. “She was in love with my father, but he left her a few days before she found out that she was pregnant. She was heartbroken and couldn’t force herself to continue - that was when she tried to kill herself. It was probably a miracle that she survived. She and the kid. The kid was born here and despite the fact that this place is supposed to bring happiness, she still decided to leave. The kid was raised here by other people who stayed in Dreamland. Yes, the kid was me. I’ve never lived outside.” _

_ “Haru…” I said in a tiny voice. “I’m glad you shared this with me.” I felt deeply sorry for this boy and his sad past but I didn’t think he needed my pity. “Can I hug you?” I asked in a hopeful tone. _

_ A moment of silence. _

_ “If you want to.” _

_ Of course I wanted to. _

_ That night, that beautiful night we spent cuddling in his bed and as I was breathing in his scent, I was really happy that I survived my suicide attempt.  _

_ A few days later, despite my previous decisions, I confessed to him. At first he rejected me. Told me to go away. _

_ “We can’t be together,” he said. “It’s impossible.” _

_ “Why?” I demanded an answer. _

_ “Because you are going to leave me.” _

_ “No way,” I shook my head. “I’m going to stay here. With you.” _

_ “Everyone leaves Dreamland.” _

_ “I can stay here!” _

_ He gave me a long sad look. “That would mean you lost.” _

_ “Then go with me!” I suggested, full of hope. _

_ “I can’t,” he whispered.  _

_ “Why?” I asked again, more desperate this time. _

_ “Once… Once I tried to go out. When I was younger. I can’t stand that place. The stress, the people, the everyday problems… I can’t. I’m not able to leave.” He looked so distressed I couldn’t hold myself and had to hug him as tightly as possible.  _

_ “I want to be with you, Haru,” I said, on the verge of crying. “I love you.” _

_ He slowly, hesitatingly hugged me back. “I hate this,” he whispered. “I hate it that I love you too.” _

_ And then I kissed him - our first kiss was one of the best moments in my life. His lips were so soft and tasted like something forbidden, so sweet it sent my head swimming and I felt so high, higher than ever before.  _

_ The only moment that overcame this was when we slept together for the first time.  _

_ It was almost magical, the moment we were connected not only by our love, but also with our bodies. I thought he would be hesitant, but then he looked me in the eye and said: “I want to do everything with you.” And then we made love in such an amazing way I couldn't do anything but hold him and repeat “I love you, I love you” over and over again once we were done.  _

_ We were going for long walks together - always holding hands, cooking together, sleeping together, sometimes showering together. We were doing pretty much everything together. Soon enough I couldn't see anything but him - nothing else mattered. I didn't even know who I was anymore. Who I used to be. The person I was with him - that was who I wanted to be.  _

_ One day I asked him why he was so sad.  _

_ “I'm sorry,” he said, his voice shaking while he was staring out of his french window. I hugged him from behind. _

_ “What for?” I asked in a soft voice, pressing a kiss against his temple. _

_ “For being sad because you are getting better. It should make me happy. But it means that you are going to leave me soon.” His body was trembling a little. _

_ “No, no. I'm not going to leave.” Only that thought was scary, heartbreaking. _

_ “You are. Everyone who gets better leaves.” _

_ “Then I'll get back to you one day!” _

_ “Nobody comes here twice.” _

_ “I'll find a way.” I was really stubborn, but I would do anything to stay with him. _

_ “You are going to forget about me,” he sighed and softly pushed me away. _

_ “I'll never forget you!” I raised my voice a little, but it didn't matter at the moment.  _

_ “You are. Once you leave this place… You forget everything.” He refused to look at me. _

_ “No, no, that's not possible.” I couldn't believe it - I didn't want to. _

_ “It is. People who leave Dreamland carry their happiness with themselves. But they have to forget about this place, otherwise they would never move on. They would always want to come back.” _

_ “How am I supposed to carry my happiness with myself if my happiness stays here?” A few tears ran down my cheeks and I wiped them away with my sleeve.  _

_ “You won't remember me when you leave. It's better this way.” He looked at me and it was the first time I saw his so beautiful blue eyes filled with tears.  _

_ I kissed him and it was very desperate, very sad. I wanted to treasure every second we had, tried to stop thinking about our time running out because it made my chest hurt.  _

_ I loved him. He was my everything. Why did I have to lose him? _

_ The time came sooner than expected. I was told that it was my time to go back outside, to start a new life. It felt like the beginning of death to me.  _

_ The hardest part was saying goodbye. Some people rather avoid it - but it was the last time I could see him.  _

_ I found him at his favourite place - by the french window. I could barely speak as I was crying but got ready to say something about how much I loved him. He was faster. _

_ “Go. Go and be happy.” He turned around to look at me, his eyes were red and his face looked even more pale than usually. It broke my heart. _

_ “I can't be happy without you,” I said.  _

_ “You can. You'll start a new, better life. Everything will be great.” And in a really tiny voice he added: “I'll be thinking of you.” _

_ “I'll never forget you,” I swore. _

_ He gave me a really sad smile. “Sure.” _

_ That was the end of the two happiest months of my life. _

 

I almost knelt down under the weight of the memories. How could have I possibly forgotten this?!

_ How could have I possibly forgotten him? _

I hurried, almost ran towards the house. Does he still live here? Will he be happy to see me? My heart was beating so hard it almost jumped out of my chest. I ignored that little voice in my mind mentioning my girlfriend - nothing mattered. Nothing but Haru.

I ran up the elegant stairs and knocked on the door. Then again. And again. My whole body was trembling, I thought I was going to faint. 

Finally, the door opened.

This face… I thought I would never see it again. Unbelievably beautiful, pale with sea-like blue eyes framed by the black eye liner. The black hair was messy, yet elegant as always. I was stunned and lost once again.

The expressions on his face were shock and surprise.

“You came back?” He breathed out and my knees felt weak when I heard his voice.

“Yes,” I said and my voice was shaking. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” he said and let me in. That was all he said. He was probably too shocked but I felt really restless, anxious, insecure. 

I was sitting down in the living room, getting more and more flashbacks that mostly involved me and him, cuddling and kissing and making love. I was like in a fever. When he came back with two cups of tea which he placed on the table, I couldn't hold back anymore.

“Haru…” I got up and made just a few steps before grabbing both of his shoulders. It was real. He was real. After those two long years… 

“Please, no,” he whispered and in his eyes I could see nothing but despair. “I don't need to go through that again. I don't want to feel that way again.”

“But I came back and-”

“Makoto,  _ please. _ ” He kept looking down. “Don't do this to me.”

“Haru, listen.” I shook his shoulders a bit and he finally looked straight at me. “I came back even though you said it was impossible. That's a proof. I belong here. With you.”

“You have a life outside,” he objected.

“A life I hate.” 

“I know it's not your fault that you left me… But the past two years were the worst.” 

“I'm sorry,” I said and wrapped my arms around him. “I'm so sorry.”

He hugged me back, burying his face in the fabric of my shirt. Soon I heard him sob quietly - something I've never seen him do and it scared me a little, then broke my heart. I was holding him the entire time, whispering words of affection. 

When he calmed down we kissed and the empty feeling in my chest finally disappeared. Everything was okay again. I found the missing piece, I finally had what I've been looking for. I had my reason to live again.

“I love you so much,” I whispered passionately.

“I love you, too,” he answered, breathless. “I haven't stopped thinking of you.”

We made love in his bedroom - it was full of feelings. We didn't even need words, our touches said every  _ I love you  _ and  _ I missed you  _ and  _ you are my everything  _ better than them. 

After that he clinged to me and I held him in my arms, drawing circles on his back and hip with my fingers. I didn't understand how I could have survived two years without him. “Why did you want to die this time?” He asked quietly.

“I felt empty. Nothing was right. Even though I had a life that could be considered perfect.” I was honest - I was always honest with him.

“How perfect?”

“I had a great job, a nice flat and a girlfriend. That's what most people call perfection.”

“I told you. You were going to start a new great life.” He sounded a little hurt again and when I looked at him, his face was crooked with pain.

“What's wrong?” I asked, terrified.

“Nothing. Just… It's selfish, I know. I just wish you didn't date anyone.”

I pulled him closer and squeezed my eyes shut, overwhelmed with emotions. “I didn't love her. The only person I've ever loved is you.”

He cupped my cheek and looked me deep in the eye. “Never leave me again.”

I looked back, happily getting lost in his eyes over and over again. “I won't.”

And as our lips connected again, I knew that this wasn't just an empty wish. 

This was fate, the real beginning of my happy life. At the happiest place in the world, with my own personal happiness in my arms. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments make me happy, hit me up on Tumblr (haruka-nanasodone-with-you) or Twitter (@DaniLovesSatan)!


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